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Deepen Your Relationships

Healthy relationships take time, patience and a concerted effort, in order to develop properly.  Some relationships may feel seamless, while others may not.  Have you ever felt like giving up on important relationships, simply because you felt “stuck”?  I must say, I have fallen into this “stuck” feeling plenty of times.  Often, though, the lack of hope that many of us feel in our relationships can be attributed to lack of creativity in the relationship.  There have been relationships in my past, which have been damaged by misunderstanding, lack of communication and an inability to be creative.  I now hold myself responsible for overlooking the importance of nurturing some of my most valuable relationships.  During the times when I was supposed to consider the ways in which the other party needed to be loved, I chose to assume that the love I was giving was enough; unfortunately, such a narrow way of thinking caused valuable relationships to whither away.  Still, valuable lessons come from our most challenging experiences.  Here are five important relationships, which we can all take the time to nurture a little bit more:

Self
-Care for yourself, DAILY!  Whatever energizes you, makes you feel excited about life or helps you to connect with others, focus on doing more of that.  Self-care is the most valuable care we can give to anyone.  Developing a deeper bond with ourselves can be challenging for many. Start small and try not to overwhelm yourself.  Taking as little as ten minutes a day to breathe deeply can greatly benefit us all.  As soon as the weather permits, use nature’s greatness to tap into your self-care.  A daily walk can help you discover new ways to reenergize and focus on your personal care.

Spouse
-Our spouses need to know how much we still love and care for them. Without the verbal and physical expression of our love, sometimes, our spouses can feel left in the cold. Leaving a random love note for your spouse can keep the romance alive in a relationship. A love note is a short, simple and easy way to remind a loved one of how much you care for them. Grab a post-it note and tell your spouse you can’t wait to see them this evening. Remind them of how sexy they are. Whatever message you choose, this unexpected gesture of love can change the outcome of your spouse’s day.

Children
-Our children are born to feel connected to their parents. When this connection is broken, challenges in the parent/child relationship can occur. Scheduling ten to fifteen minutes of daily bonding time with your child can drastically improve this relationship. Play your favorite songs in the morning to get the positive energy flowing with your child. Parents can even schedule a few minutes of horseplay with their child, each morning or night. Children, no matter their age, love to see their parents act silly. Join in the fun and think of ways to bring the joy back in your relationship with your child(ren). For older children, what if you took the time, each day, to listen to your child’s thoughts without offering an opinion? Creating a happy and trusting environment for children deepens their connection to their parents.

-Parents
When was the last time you sent a hand written note to your parents, telling them how much they mean to you?  Mothers, especially, are soft and pink and enjoy the thoughtful things in life.  An unexpected love letter from his/her child will make any parent’s heart melt.  If letters aren’t your thing, can you plan a date night for you and your parent(s)? What if you had a blast from the past night?  Our parents have so many wonderful stories to tell us.  Allowing them to reminisce on past, enjoyable experiences not only keeps their spirits up, but telling stories with our elders helps to keep their minds sharp.

-Friends
-When was the last time you actually picked up the phone and called your close friends? Many of us having forgotten to use our phones for their most basic function.  Develop a habit of making your relationship with your friends feel thoughtful and cared about.  Even if you can’t call a friend as often as you would like, can you remember an important date or event, which would require you to call and congratulate them?  Whatever you choose, think of thoughtful and creative ways to make your friends feel appreciated.

-WorkPlace Relationships
Many of us spend precious moments at work, which takes away from our time with loved ones.  While there, why not make the best of our work experience?  Professional relationships do not have to feel daunting or forced.  Sometimes, a simple acknowledgement of our coworker’s efforts can go far.  When was the last time you thanked your coworker for contributing to a group project?  Can you leave a thank you note in their mailbox for carrying your load while you took leave?  Whatever the gesture, reminding our coworkers of their value in the company makes our work experience just a little bit more tolerable.

Maintaining a healthy connection with our spouse, our parents, our children and our careers can challenge us, from time to time.  Remembering that our connection to others gives great meaning to our lives can help keep us all on track.  Building connections with important people in our lives is beneficial and crucial to our long-term happiness.  If rebuilding stronger relationships with your loved ones is part of your self-care journey, give yourself permission to take this important step.  Determine which relationships energize you. Put a plan in place to keep this going.

Be Yourself!

There is so much pressure to be accepted by the world’s standards. On varying levels, acceptance from others is how many people maintain their careers, are able to progress in school, and are able to maintain their family and social lives. From the examples of wealth we see in magazines, to the habitual beauty campaigns on social media, down to the stellar performers at work and school, the desire to want to live someone else’s life surrounds us all. Why is our search for happiness in others so extreme? There will never be a solid answer for such a big question. There are serious consequences when we accept someone else’s truth as our own, though; we lose sight of the important roles we play in the world. When the largest part of our focus is placed on the acceptance of others, the vision for our own lives become small and dim. It’s time to take a deeper look at ourselves. What are your expectations of this world? What type of life do you envision for yourself? Are you ready to make a plan for your life? While you are thinking, here are some Super Coaching Tips, which can help us all accept ourselves a little bit more.

Affirm Yourself Daily
Many of us never learned how to speak nicely about ourselves or to ourselves, as children. Some of us were never given permission to speak freely. Don’t be afraid to highlight the special qualities, which make you different from others. Do not be afraid to speak life into yourself. Each morning when I awaken, I look in the mirror and remind myself of the gifts I bring to this world. I remind myself of the things, which make me special. Give yourself credit for being a leader. Give yourself credit for being a creative artist. Remind yourself that you follow through with tasks. Don’t forget to highlight the fact that you are always willing to learn from your mistakes. Whatever makes you special, remember to point those qualities out to yourself, each day.

Say Yes To Your Happiness
Each of us must remember that happiness begins within. While it is impossible to always focus on the things, which make us happy, we are still given choices during our challenging times. Tap into a time when you exercised patience. Can you do that again? Is walking away from confrontation better than engaging in negative behavior with others? Regardless of the obstacles life throws at us, remember you do not have to remain in an unhappy space. Sometimes, taking a walk, taking a break or doing nothing can change any negative situation into a more manageable one. Are you ready to practice putting your happiness at the forefront of your life?

Practice Saying No
None of us are obligated to say yes whenever something is asked of us. Consider how saying yes to things you are not prepared to carry out affect you. Can you sleep on it before giving an answer? Are you prepared to live in your truth, if your answer is no? What could you potentially gain by saying yes, only when you mean it? Make no mistake, there will be times when we must bend and say yes, even if we mean no; just remember not to make doing so a normal practice.

Accept Your Position
Being the ‘odd man out’ isn’t a bad thing. Self-acceptance allows us to focus on the things, which make us happy. It keeps us from constantly worrying about the affairs of others so we can take better care of ourselves. Self-acceptance allows love to flow through our bodies more freely; we can give more honestly when we love ourselves. Once you get a taste of a loving yourself, making the choice to maintain it will become your priority. It’ll be a long road ahead; just keep walking it. Surround yourself with people who can support your journey. You’re worth the effort you put into yourself.

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Let it Go

Trying to get it all done can be one of the most honest, genuine, unrealistic and selfish acts we can commit against ourselves. The pressure of people pleasing, being successful, raising a family, being a good spouse and finding time for ourselves can overwhelm even the calmest of souls. Connections between parents and children get lost because of hectic schedules. Spouses find themselves bickering over who forgot to put the ketchup away. The dog won’t stop barking because he’s anxious as all hell. The kids won’t stop screaming their heads off, throwing their food or asking for your time. The house is a mess, too! Oh, and let’s not forget about the mounds of letters, emails, text messages and other chores you have to find time to complete.  Does it have to all get done? It can surely feel that way, sometimes. Wine, Anyone?

Why have we submitted to so many unrealistic expectations of ourselves? Many of us forget what relaxing or quiet time even feels like.  Like the rest of the world, I find myself sometimes feeling anxious and overwhelmed when trying to meet everyone’s needs. The thought of remaining calm through the chaos sometimes seems unrealistic. Then I examine the patterns of  my calm moments from the past and realize-nope; it’s me! I’m neglecting myself again.  Self-neglect is usually an unconscious choice we make when trying to help better the lives of others. The assumption  is usually that we must pour everything into everyone else’s cup before ever pouring into our own. Ultimately, this genuine, yet damaging behavior ends up leaving us feeling depleted and resentful; important relationships become strained.  Inner-peace becomes nonexistent.

I often wonder about the types of relationships children would engage in, if parents modeled more examples of self-care.  What would life look life if more people chose to make themselves happy, too?  I wonder what would happen if more love and affection were displayed at home? What if we let it all go sometimes?  If I want my child to benefit from my parenting style, what does he need? My son needs his parents at their best. He needs us both to feel as emotionally, mentally and spiritually connected to ourselves and each other as possible.   Taking care of myself allows me to connect more to son and my husband. Doing so allows me to examine my challenging behavior and make more informed decisions for my relationships, going forward. When I embrace my selfishness, I am ok with not getting it all done. I learn to respect my ability to take it all in, one moment at at time. Then I go out and treat myself.

Many of us serve others with the best of intentions.  Building strong and positive relationships with anyone must be led by love of self. Is it such a bad idea to just relax? Why not let the dishes pile up and go out for some family fun? Why does date night ALWAYS have to take a back seat? What if we could all live in a place where disruption had no choice but to flee? What if chaos and confusion felt more like distant cousins, rather than our better half? Nothing is outside of our reach. Finding happiness in our children, in our spouse, in our career or any other external force is limited. Our true happiness starts and ends with the choice of self-preservation.

 

 

Your Greatest Investment Begins With Self

The mind is powerful. When combined with our efforts, possibilities are endless. A great number of people go through life feeling stuck and unsure of themselves. Why is that? Could hopelessness, fear and desperation be the driving forces? Whatever the reasons, many have been led many to believe that the answers to their challenges lie in someone else’s hands. During your most challenging moments, it is imperative for everyone to remember their individuality; constantly remind yourself that you were brought into this world with great gifts, talents, tools and specialities, which must be shared with the world.  Your presence is not vain.

Here are Meosha Williams’ Super Life Coaching Tips for rediscovering the power in YOU:

1- TELL THE TRUTH
The universe will return to you, whatever you pour into it. You must come clean about your wants and needs. Step into who you are. Acknowledge the essence of who you are, and what drives you. Consider what brings you the most joy, personally and professionally. Your acknowledgment of the truth unlocks the shackles, which keeps many of us imprisoned. What will it take for you to unlock yourself?

2- IDENTIFY THE PATTERNS
Many of us wander through life feeling lost, primarily because we stopped paying attention long time ago. What field of work drives you? Have you identified hobbies, which interest you? What types of people bring a smile to your face? How do you feel when you try new things? When and with whom are you most triggered? Have you examined the root causes of your addictions? Whatever your story is, identify the people, places and things which drive your energy in the positive and negative direction.

3- MAKE NO APOLOGIES
The worst thing any of us can do, is apologize for being who we are. Not everyone will agree with our decision-making process. Some will support our journey without hesitation. We may even begin to question ourselves and the decisions we make along the way. Remaining unapologetic about the things which are destined for us will carry us far.

4- RALLY YOUR SUPPORT TEAM
No one can become successful on their own. Everyone, however, has the ability to decide who in their life serves as a helping hand or a destructive force. Remember to choose your circle of support wisely at all times; your success depends upon it. It is also important to acknowledge the efforts of the driving forces which surround you, and to remain appreciative of their position in your life.

5- PUSH ONE MORE TIME
We all have felt like giving up, as we climbed towards our dreams. During those times of adversity, it is easy to get lost in the shuffle of despair. I want to encourage anyone out there who feels like giving up when times get tough- take a break, get back up and try one more time. Sometimes, all you need is a moment to regroup so you can make the comeback of a lifetime. Always know who you are and who you were created to be. You ARE the creator of your own destiny. How are you planning to get there?

While there is no one way to reach any given destination, there are universal truths for us all.  Remaining true to ourselves drives us towards greatness.  With continued effort and support, everyone has the power to create the change, which they would like to see.

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Enjoying Your Time Without The Kids, Guilt-Free

After spending hours, days, weeks, months and years of tending to the needs of children, parents can start to lose the wind in their sail. Raising children full-time can be exhausting, to say the least. Some days are better than others, but most days present new challenges to overcome. As a Parent Coach, a Wife and a Mother, I fully understand the different emotions that so many parents experience, and why. I am a loving parent who adores my son. I appreciate the different adventures that raising him bring. Absolutely no one or nothing can bring me joy the way my baby does. From his bright smile, to his enthusiastic nature, to his energetic spirit, my lovely bundle of joy has brought me more happiness than I could have ever imagined. Conversely, with all of his love and enthusiastic energy, MAMA GETS TIRED!

I recently came to the realization that I had not taken much time away from my son since his birth. With the exception of a few appointments, my regular trips to the grocery store and a few dates with babe, my son and I have been inseparable. Don’t get me wrong-being with him is always a joyous experience. My baby’s presence is infectious. He always gets me through life’s most difficult times. Still, the fact remained that I was not spending enough time away from him. Through this realization, I decided that it was time for some major self-reflection and shift in focus. I needed to examine my state of being so I could get to the root of my parental challenge, which was mother/child separation. Why had I gone so long without taking a break from my son? Did I not trust him with a caretaker? Was I nervous that an emergency would arise in my absence? Was I just not ready to separate from my baby? NOPE. None of the above, Alex. I simply FORGOT to take care of myself.

As a full-time mother and entrepreneur, finding personal time can be a challenge, albeit extremely important. Lack of self-care can lead to neglect, frustration and resentment- none of which I enjoyed. It was time to take personal inventory in order to begin living a fuller life. This past weekend, my husband and I decided it was time to go on our first “baecation”, since having our son. He encouraged me to prioritize my own happiness, and this time I happily obliged. My husband helped me to realize how much I had been outsourcing the best parts of myself to everyone else. Man, was I exhausted! I love seeing the beautiful smile of my baby boy and tending to his every need. I take pleasure in providing for my husband’s needs, too. I also love coaching parents and serving my community. Still, it was time I became more considerate of my own needs.

It makes me feel good when my man knows what is best for our family. I appreciate it when he demonstrates authority out of necessity for his loved ones. I could not have been happier at the outcome of our impromptu getaway. We were able to drive freely without any interruptions or distractions. Cruising to the sounds of loud music without being concerned with busting our baby’s ear drums was refreshing. The absence of a crying baby, who HATED being confined in his carseat was more than I could have asked for. There was no baby in sight, no anxiety to meet his needs, and it felt great! I was comforted knowing that my son was in good hands. My husband helped me to remember how much my happiness mattered. Through experiencing this parenting challenge, I was able to search within myself in order to regain control of my life. I said yes to extreme self-care, and the rest is gravy, Baby.

Somethings I learned about waiting too long to step away from mommy duties are:

SELF-CARE IS KEY
Let’s face it. Parents, especially mothers give everything to everyone, ALL.THE.TIME. It’s no wonder folks think we are crazy! Parents will greatly benefit by consistently building relationships with themselves and with one another other. This can be done by engaging in daily self-care practices. These practices can include making time every night for a warm bath, engaging in quiet time throughout the day, taking daily walks, breathing deeply or simply expressing appreciation for ourselves.

AVOID BECOMING ACCUSTOMED TO THE BURN OUT
Taking periodic breaks from my son will help to renew my energy. Asking others to step in and help before becoming overwhelmed will help to keep my stress levels down. By maintaining open lines of communication with my husband, my family and friends, I will be able to maintain the level of support I need when it is time to take a mommy break.

CHANGE THE SCENERY
Monotony can definitely set in after starting a family. While predictability can be reassuring, it can definitely take the fire out of a relationship. Sometimes, parents need to take risks with one another. Ditch the schedule and just go with it. During our drive out of town, my husband and I immediately felt more connected to one another. The change of pace left us both feeling thankful for the other person.

LET GO OF THE MOMMY GUILT
I decided not to become consumed with the opinions of those who disagree with my self-care practices. PERIOD. Parents, you do not have to explain to others, your need to take a break from your children. No one works a job 24 hours, 7 days a week, 365 days per year. WHY SHOULD YOU? Take a break, Parents. TAKE LOTS OF THEM! Taking care of a family does NOT equate to losing sight of your individual needs and self-worth. So long as the needs of your loved ones are consistently being met, feel free to do whatever makes you happy.

Self-Care: The Road Map to Personal Happiness

Self-care is missing from the lives of so many devoted mothers and fathers. As a Parent Coach, I have discovered that many parents are struggling to find the time to take personal care of themselves. It seems as though feeling drained is becoming more prevalent in their conversations. So many moms and dads feel a great deal of pressure when they are faced with having to put their own needs ahead of others. Some cannot remember the last time they spent time alone or spent time doing the things they love.

As parents, we spend our every waking moment thinking about ways to make our family members’ lives easier. Far too often, we do not add ourselves to this important list. Consequently, we are left feeling depleted of energy and disconnected from the person we should love the most-ourselves. Why is there such extreme guilt when parents are faced with parental self-care? How much longer must they suffer in silence? The big question remains…How can parents effectively parent if they cannot find the time to nurture themselves?

Simply put, parents need time to refuel and reenergize. Implementing daily self-care practices does not have to be a daunting task. For moms and dads who are eager to take time for themselves, starting small is key to their success. The goal is to make yourself a priority each and everyday, in whatever way you can. I always ask my clients a series of questions to help them find the energy that they so desperately seek:

1- Where in your life can you free yourself of negative energy?
2-Are there people, places and things that no longer serve you? If so, can you remove those negative people, places and things, and replace them with the things that fuel you?
3- Are there friends or family members who you call on to support your efforts in self-care?
4- Can you use your environment as a platform to engage in self-care?
5- Are there any spiritual practices that you would like to engage in?

Whatever you decide, be creative! There are no limits to taking good care of yourself. The key is to identify the need to reenergize and start taking the initiative to do so. If you are still unsure of where to begin, sit quietly alone and reflect on the things that bring a smile to your face. Make sure those things serve YOU! Be careful not to fall into the routine of making the joy of others the only way you reenergize yourself. Imagine what would happen if you were on an airplane and were forced to put on your child’s oxygen mask before your own. Your inability to rescue yourself first may cost you and others more in the end.