, , , ,

PostPartum Depression Can Build Connections

Postpartum Depression is tricky. It sends all kinds of mixed signals to the ones who love us most. It teaches family and friends to distance themselves from a woman in distress. Postpartum Depression helps strangers pick a part a mother’s actions, without understanding her needs. It teaches mothers that she is wrong for not connecting to her child at all times. On the surface, Postpartum Depression looks like anger, rage, sadness, loneliness, anxiety, confusion, smiles, sleep deprivation and more, all wrapped together. On the inside, it feels like “HELP. NOW. PLEASE!” Far too many new mothers receive these unwanted gifts, after bringing their children into the world. When treated, PostPartum Depression loses its power. It no longer strips families of their unity. PostPartum Depression does not have to take lives.

Like many women who bear children, I, too, experienced PostPartum Depression. After having my son, I was already prepared for the warning signs, though. I knew there was a possibility I would experience the emotional, after effects of childbirth. The stress of caring for a crying child while my own heart bled was hard. “Could I do this?”, I thought. “Could I care for a child, build my career from scratch, maintain a healthy relationship with my husband and thrive amongst friends and colleagues, while in my mid-thirties?” The answer was, YES! Pacing myself was key to my emotional success, so I learned.

There were days when I wanted to turn back the hands of time and “un-mommy” myself. I struggled. I needed help. I needed time. I needed space. I needed self-discovery. I needed reemergence of self. I needed self-care. I needed patience and understanding from others. I needed support. I tried to battle through, hoping my fervent efforts gave me the recognition I was craving; the recognition that proved to the world how much more I loved my son than I loved myself. Isn’t that what mothers are supposed to do? Aren’t mothers supposed to neglect their every need, in order to meet her child’s needs? Not this mother. Not anymore!

Postpartum Depression taught me:

It Does Not Just Go Away
In order to battle this ugly beast, mothers greatly benefit from remaining proactive and seeking treatment. Our role as a mother is the most valuable one many of us will ever take on. The impact of our actions can have lasting affects on our children; therefore, seeking treatment is key. Understanding that any form of depression requires us all to understand its purpose. While it does not always produce the results we desire, reminding ourselves to address our issues keeps us in a healthier mental state throughout each day.

Tell The Truth
PostPartum Depression loves liars; it feeds off of a parent’s dishonesty. PostPartum Depression wants you to surrender to the fear of being judged. It taunts you into believing that your story has no value. Give yourself permission to be free. Confide in someone who values your life’s experiences. Remember that what you are going through matters. Our children require us to get the help we need, so we can thoroughly service their needs.

Parents With PPD still love their children
No matter how many times I cried for seemingly no reason, no matter how many times I lashed out at my husband for misunderstanding my distress, no matter how many times I wished for a moment to breathe without my child being in my presence, I still knew I loved my son and would fight until the bitter end to protect him. My love for my son was the not in question. Remembering his worth constantly reminded me of my own, which is how our bond remains in tact.

Make My Needs A Priority
Luckily, I was waiting for PostPartum Depression to show up. I began making changes during the early part of my relationship with my son. I stopped doing it all. I started asking for help. I took more frequent breaks. I took the cape off and gave myself permission to be human. Remember to give yourself what you deserve, too, Parents. What hobbies interest you? When was the last time you wrote in your journal? Have you had a nap lately? Each time I gave myself a break, each time I napped, each time I reconnected with friends and family, each time I found time to be alone, I reconnected better than ever with my baby. Choosing to reconnect with myself allows me to find the patience and understanding needed to raise a child. I experience less emotional triggers when I choose not to get it all done at once. When I put myself at the top of my list of priorities, I experience an awakening in my personal relationships. My loved ones benefit greatly.

Forgive Myself Often
PostPartum Depression can make loving mothers feel like a failure. It can make a mother with the best of intentions feel as though she is unequipped for the job. PostPartum Depression can take mothers on a long, emotional rollercoaster ride. After you’ve had an emotional outburst, after you’ve distanced yourself from your child, after you’ve pushed everyone away, ask yourself for forgiveness. If you had it your way, PostPartum Depression wouldn’t exist. You’d be the perfect mother. Luckily, life forces us to use our challenges as tools for change. PostPartum Depression may be ugly. It can, however, teach women the importance of reconnecting with self, in order to connect with the ones they love most.